Thursday, May 15, 2008

Ten is a Magic Number

Today our daughter is 10 weeks old. Sometimes it seems so unreal after having waited and wanted this for so long…I keep thinking is this really my life now? I had gotten so used to the cycles and needles and planning weekends to recoup from disappointment and loss…these memories/feelings do not go away with the birth of a child. Yes the recede but they are also a part of me and have shaped who I am now. It’s why we didn’t have a baby shower, it’s why when I speak to friends I don’t speak about her first – or check myself to make sure I’m not going over board with baby talk. Mind you I am totally in love with our daughter and very happy…what’s funny is after wondering before we began the DE process if should would feel like my daughter without the genetic connection (yes 100%) I am now worried as I go back to work full time that the person we hire to care for her will become so connected to her that our daughter will think of her as her primary care giver…re-enforces yet again that is the time spent and love given that makes the parent.

I know I’ve blogged a lot about how being a parent is much more than a blood tie, and I think at this point there is nothing new to say on the topic besides the blanket statement genetics don’t matter…so going forward I’ll try to refrain from repeating myself and focus more on experiences I have that seem DE specific which some of you may or may not find helpful or of interest.

And on that front: we told another couple (known for a long time but rarely see) about our little ones origins this after the wife was saying how she is a mix of both of us…I wanted to share with her because they’d had their own fertility issues…wouldn’t you know it she told me about her close friend who used DE and a surrogate – goes to show there are so many combinations and so many ways to create a family. Anyway it felt good to tell her and at the same time it seems less and less important to say anything. Not because we want to hide DE (we will tell our little one about her high tech beginning) but because it just doesn’t seem to matter. I read an interview of the mother of a girl I went to high school she was adopted and the mother refers to her simply as her daughter…it think that says it all.


Kami said...

As far as I'm concerned you can keep repeating "genes don't matter" for about 2-6 more weeks - or until LB is born and I can pick up the mantra.

Sorry you have to go back to work. It seems too soon. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts / experiences. And thanks 1000 times for your support!

Summer said...

I enjoy your posts so much, I don't think I can get tired of hearing anything you say.

I can't believe you have to go back to work already. I hope the transition goes smoothly.

peep said...

Hi Stacyb,
Thanks for checking up on me. I just caught up on your blog and your words are like music to my ears. Thank you so much for sharing. I am now more excited than ever to meet our little baby. I have become nervous lately about what he/she will look like etc. You know the whole thing...but after reading your posts about the birth and meeting your little girl I am just plain excited to feel the same way!!!

m said...

Another fabulous post. This one's a keeper.

Kate said...

Your blog has reinforced so many of the beliefs I have about the whole DE thing. It's nice to hear other people have the same feelings.

Smiling said...

It is posts like this I was searching, with a kind of desparation, when I first went looking for blogs on DE. I just needed to hear a voice of someone a bit further along in the journey.

I get such reassurance from voices like yours. Thank you for sharing.

I loved what you say about the balance of not having it a secret and yet respecting her future choices regarding sharing her story.

Congradulations on 10 wonderful weeks!