waiting

i'm still having some problems not letting go of the fear that something will happen -- as i well know something bad can. so while i am really happy that things continue to seem good, i am struggling with letting myself really accept what is going on even as my body tells me all is well. my boobs are so HUGE now they are like aliens on my body. i think i'm growing out of the C cup which is terrifying...i mean it's the end of my 10th week! it also means i might have to get another bra which i don't want to do in case this doesn't work out. maybe i should have called this post conflicted? i've actually rewritten for the second time now.

We have not told anyone our news except my mother -- as far as we're concerned it's not news until we pass that magic trimester mark AND the ultrascreen comes back with an "everything looks normal". Every time i pee (which is often) i look to make sure there is no blood. My pants aren't fitting not because i'm showing but because my butt and thighs have expanded with my appetite. still i don't want to buy anything new because what if this doesn't work.


We have not bought any pregnancy books either because the last time we did that the shipment came like 2 days after the first D&C. it was heart breaking and this horrible reminder of our hopes. so now that we've "arrived" i'm just gonna wait before unpacking.

if this pregnancy continues i guess ill find out if/when these worries dissipate.

we have an obgyn appoitment on monday, that will be 10 weeks if things go as we hope they will.

in the DE blog world I'm hoping that things will continue to go well for drowned girl who just did a FDE transfer and Lara who is getting her second beta today and anyone else who just transferred or is waiting to hear something in the next few days.