You need a permission slip for the fieldtrip

I’m finally able to give myself permission to relax about this pregnancy. Yes, at week 36 I can write the following: we have a really good chance at a healthy birth and baby and that makes me very happy. There I did it. It’s scary to see that written, or typed, or posted, but it’s also great. I’ve vacillated between fear and fear since we got a positive pregnancy result from IVF number 8 and donor cycle number 1 so this is kinda momentous for me. Over the weekend my husband’s brother came and took the futon bed out of the room that we have finally started calling the baby room and not the guest room. So it seems it is possible after years of loss and sadness to enjoy pregnancy without forgetting or obliterating what came before. For those wondering if the fear every goes away it doesn’t completely (at least not for me), but it does recede. That said, I’ll still knock on wood any chance I get and the baby clothes we purchased are still wrapped in their packaging because part of me is terrified if I open any of it, something will happen. So yeah, it gets better but it’s not care free.

And on the telling front because yes we are still telling our friends: I think we have finally told all the people close to us. There are a couple I have not said anything too – one I’m waiting to see in person, one, a relative, I’m just not sure about – what I mean by that is I don’t think this person every really hears what I’m saying – or what anyone is saying for that matter. I wish I could count on some sensitivity but then it shouldn’t matter if this falls on deaf ears because ultimately for us what matters is there are no secrets and not what others have to say about it.

Sometimes Biology Can Take Three

My husband and I spoke to our future pediatrician last night – the doctor who has two DE children…we wanted to hear a little bit more about how he thought a donor recipient might affect the future little one as he/she develops since clearly it’s not gonna be in the genes. What he said in a nutshell was this: A DE recipient can and does effect the constitutional hardiness around the immune functions for the first 4 to 7 months after birth. In other words early on the baby will carry what we pass onto it/is protected by our biology for a short period. After that there are things that we can continue to modulate (his word) that can have a biological effect on the future little ones immune system. For example if one chooses to breast feed limiting exposure to certain foods can help prevent allergies or, a less direct example, by exposing the baby to animals like cats and dogs we can reduce the likelihood of pet allergies. Previously I’d discussed with him taking certain supplements like fish oil, which can positively effect brain development, and probiotics which help against development of food allergies because they break down food into digestible bits – in other words taking certain vitamins etc, can benefit the health of the baby. That’s pretty awesome. It’s nice to think about what can be done to help shape how a future little ones body responds to certain things.

On another very brief note (and this is directly about my current pregnancy so if for what ever reason you don’t feel like reading about these kinds of details please stop.): I am into my thirty third week and finally yesterday had the guts to purchase something for the future little one: a pair of totally frivolous and unnecessary fuzzy orange slippers. So now we have one pair of useless fuzzy orange slippers coming in the mail and nothing else. Go figure. The fear has really kept me from mobilizing but all of a sudden there are seven weeks left and all of a sudden im feeling like this is really going to happen and something terrible isn’t laying in wait around the corner. Although I’m still keeping my fingers and toes crossed.