Today my number was 270. Doctors have gone from cautiously optimistic to optimistic. We are still cautious. Always. I am scared to think it might have worked. Again. Scared and grateful.
And no I am not thinking I wish this time it was with my own eggs. Not at all. Why should I. It makes no difference in my love.
I am just hopeful that everything will turn out ok and that we remain grounded enough to integrate a possible new soul into our family in a safe nurturing way.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
We tried again
We tried again
hi,
Don't know if anyone reads this anymore. My husband and I tried a frozed DE cycle with our last to frozen embies. One didn't make it one was chugging along. I just got back the pregnancy test blood test certain it would be negative. And...it's positive BUT with a number of 34. I am not very hopeful. This kinda sucks. I wish it were a flat out negative. To contrast this number, with our daughter it was 160. Ugh.ugh. ugh. And of course they can't say no way but they also can't say this is great. I know they look for a number over 50. ugh. If anyone is reading this and has any words of support of wisdom of whatever, please share.
hi,
Don't know if anyone reads this anymore. My husband and I tried a frozed DE cycle with our last to frozen embies. One didn't make it one was chugging along. I just got back the pregnancy test blood test certain it would be negative. And...it's positive BUT with a number of 34. I am not very hopeful. This kinda sucks. I wish it were a flat out negative. To contrast this number, with our daughter it was 160. Ugh.ugh. ugh. And of course they can't say no way but they also can't say this is great. I know they look for a number over 50. ugh. If anyone is reading this and has any words of support of wisdom of whatever, please share.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Nurture vs. nurture
Hi.
As you can see I don’t post that often anymore but I think there may still be a few things worth sharing for DE moms and those thinking of becoming DE parents.
Here it is: I think I’ve become so much more conscious of who I am and what I do, how I react, assessing my values, or family values because I know that the thing I pass on to our daughter is my morals, my actions, and my example not the genetics. So I can’t say oh well at least she gets X from me since I messed up raising her. Nope, I get raising our daughter, period. What I can show her through my actions versus what she’s received simply by being born. And ultimately that’s what it’s about. Your looks and your natural talents are just that. It’s the person who embodies it that makes the difference and as a DE mom that’s the input I get.
It’s nice. It keeps me grounded while staying on my toes.
As you can see I don’t post that often anymore but I think there may still be a few things worth sharing for DE moms and those thinking of becoming DE parents.
Here it is: I think I’ve become so much more conscious of who I am and what I do, how I react, assessing my values, or family values because I know that the thing I pass on to our daughter is my morals, my actions, and my example not the genetics. So I can’t say oh well at least she gets X from me since I messed up raising her. Nope, I get raising our daughter, period. What I can show her through my actions versus what she’s received simply by being born. And ultimately that’s what it’s about. Your looks and your natural talents are just that. It’s the person who embodies it that makes the difference and as a DE mom that’s the input I get.
It’s nice. It keeps me grounded while staying on my toes.
Monday, November 23, 2009
And
i'd like to add back then, three years ago the choice was not easy. The idea that i would not carry on a genetic link that we wouldn't together make a baby was VERY hard. VERY. what i'm trying to say, albeit clumsily, is that now that was have our daughter i cannot imagine anyone else in my arms. and i would not change a thing.
hello
hi.
it's been a while.
i still read other peoples blogs though rarely post.
i still think about all we went through to be able to have our daughter thru DE.
i still have a plastic bottle filled with used IVF related needles
And...
i still wouldn't change anything we went through to get to where we are today.
our daughter is twenty months old now.
it does not matter how she came to us, only that she is here. really.
people do ask me who i think she looks like and i always say her daddy.
some people say she looks like me and i always say, you think?
obviously i don't know what i'd be like to have a genetically linked daughter i only know that when i think back on the agony and stress we had deciding to go this route i keep thinking but why was it so hard? And then i realized we had to go through it all to get here. And it's something no one can really tell you, although I'm trying to: you will love your DE child as much as you would love your genetic child. I simply can't imagine loving someone more than I love our daughter and i can't imagine having a different daughter.
it's been a while.
i still read other peoples blogs though rarely post.
i still think about all we went through to be able to have our daughter thru DE.
i still have a plastic bottle filled with used IVF related needles
And...
i still wouldn't change anything we went through to get to where we are today.
our daughter is twenty months old now.
it does not matter how she came to us, only that she is here. really.
people do ask me who i think she looks like and i always say her daddy.
some people say she looks like me and i always say, you think?
obviously i don't know what i'd be like to have a genetically linked daughter i only know that when i think back on the agony and stress we had deciding to go this route i keep thinking but why was it so hard? And then i realized we had to go through it all to get here. And it's something no one can really tell you, although I'm trying to: you will love your DE child as much as you would love your genetic child. I simply can't imagine loving someone more than I love our daughter and i can't imagine having a different daughter.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Perfect Moments
I’m borrowing a title (sorta) from Kami …first let me say I don’t know where the time
goes. I still can’t believe our little one is now 8 months old or that it took us over five years to get to this place. There are many days that go by where I don’t think about DE at all, and many others when I do…especially when
a. someone asks: do you want another. Ha, as if it were so easy.
b. someone says: She is the perfect combination of you and your husband
c. someone says: She has your: eyes
I just nod and smile and say something agreeable to any of those comments. Sometimes I wish we hadn’t told so many people as it REALLY DOESN’T MATTER that we used an egg donor. But I know it mattered to us at the time to tell people and it still MATTERS A LOT to let our daughter know of her fantastic high tech origins. How we will do this is umm, unknown. We read a lot of books that said start telling her her birth story from the get go. We haven’t. Other say tell her when she is x, or y or z age. If anyone has experience of thoughts on the when to tell or how, I’d like to hear/read what you think.
Basically for all we went through to get here I doubt our lives are that different from other first time mom’s although perhaps the appreciation I have for the struggle it took to get here adds another layer. I don’t know. All I can say is I LOVE OUR DAUGHTER. All the perfect moments in her day make me very happy. Of course there are imperfect moments a plenty. And the adjustment for my husband and I has not been that smooth. No one talks about the transition for the couple from infertile couple for years, to couple with child. Or how when you’ve waited so long for something you get very overprotective…we’re loosening up but…anyone have a similar experience?
Anyway, just wanted to post because it’s been a long time.
goes. I still can’t believe our little one is now 8 months old or that it took us over five years to get to this place. There are many days that go by where I don’t think about DE at all, and many others when I do…especially when
a. someone asks: do you want another. Ha, as if it were so easy.
b. someone says: She is the perfect combination of you and your husband
c. someone says: She has your: eyes
I just nod and smile and say something agreeable to any of those comments. Sometimes I wish we hadn’t told so many people as it REALLY DOESN’T MATTER that we used an egg donor. But I know it mattered to us at the time to tell people and it still MATTERS A LOT to let our daughter know of her fantastic high tech origins. How we will do this is umm, unknown. We read a lot of books that said start telling her her birth story from the get go. We haven’t. Other say tell her when she is x, or y or z age. If anyone has experience of thoughts on the when to tell or how, I’d like to hear/read what you think.
Basically for all we went through to get here I doubt our lives are that different from other first time mom’s although perhaps the appreciation I have for the struggle it took to get here adds another layer. I don’t know. All I can say is I LOVE OUR DAUGHTER. All the perfect moments in her day make me very happy. Of course there are imperfect moments a plenty. And the adjustment for my husband and I has not been that smooth. No one talks about the transition for the couple from infertile couple for years, to couple with child. Or how when you’ve waited so long for something you get very overprotective…we’re loosening up but…anyone have a similar experience?
Anyway, just wanted to post because it’s been a long time.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Every day is a blessing
Hi everyone…time passes so quickly. Our daughter will be six months old in a week. I can’t believe it. And I’m so happy to know that there are many new DE mother’s to be out there. Every day with her is a day when I think “it’s so amazing that I ever thought that a donor egg could matter in my love.” But I guess you have, or I had to, go through the whole process to understand it all.
I secretly laugh at the people who don’t know us well who peer into our little ones face and announce things like “her eyes are spaced the same as yours…or there’s just something about her that is like you…” People really do see what they want to sseen. So now I nod and say thank you.
Anyway just wanted to say hi. Trying to keep up with everyone please know even if I don’t post I am following what is going on sending out support vibes to all.
I secretly laugh at the people who don’t know us well who peer into our little ones face and announce things like “her eyes are spaced the same as yours…or there’s just something about her that is like you…” People really do see what they want to sseen. So now I nod and say thank you.
Anyway just wanted to say hi. Trying to keep up with everyone please know even if I don’t post I am following what is going on sending out support vibes to all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)