hurdles

so just about a full week has gone by since we got over our first hurdle the positive pregnancy test. i struggle a little bit with actually believing it's true even as i find myself getting exhausted every afternoon, and very hungry once in a while. it is not smooth sailing after all the struggle and past pregnancies that didn't work. it's hard for me and my husband to let ourselves by happy or even fully embrace what is happening. don't get me wrong we are happy and grateful but we are also terrified. i keep thinking that as scared as we are we would be a thousand times more scared if we hadn't gone with donor eggs. with my eggs the odds that if id gotten pregnant i'd ever have had a healthy pregnancy were slim at best.

i had my follow up blood test a few days early and things are still looking good although my progesterone is borderline. they'd like the number to be high. what the number is i don't know. i don't ask because with my personality if i knew numbers i'd start fixating and scouring the Internet for information or misinformation etc...so all i know is they'd like it a little higher but are not worried and my beta is good.

so now my regime is

1. 3 estrogen pills a day

2. 1 estrogen patch every other day

3. 2 progesterone pills a day

4. and of course, one big shot every morning.

So it goes. i am doing a follow up blood test on Tuesday to check the progesterone levels and the big heartbeat check comes july 3rd. that is the one that is most terrifying because with my other two pregnancies that is when we were told the pregnancies were no longer viable and it was on to the D&C.

so i keep reminding myself not to jump ahead. to stay with today, and to remember that this time with a healthy donor egg things are very different.