Friday, February 15, 2008

Infertility is not Failure

At least I don’t think so. It just is. I stopped playing the what if and why games a while ago, they got me no where. That and I realized that I really like who I am today and since I’m a product of my experiences if they hadn’t happened I wouldn’t be me.

Not that there haven’t been times when I have asked why and what if, and not just for infertility – cancer, death of friends or family, general tragedy, and wtf? moments…but somewhere along the line I decided it was better to ask why not me? And then to accept what has happened and try to learn from it. I actually know the exact moment this occurred: I had just had my second D&C and was walking across the street when it hit me: I wouldn’t want anyone else to have to go through this and feel this way. I’d been doing a lot of meditation and reading at the time (still do) – and of course after that, when I found out I had a cancer a few weeks later I thought why me? But again, I thought – I don’t want anyone else to go through this, and again I thought – what can I learn from this…of course I also cursed and cried and was angry too.
And then there’s the infertility…I doubt any of us who discovers themselves in this camp got there on purpose – it was not, is not our fault. It just is – for a variety of factors and there is no magic that can make it go away. And it is not a failure – in fact if anything, it takes great courage to hear this, live it, and figure out how to move on from it. When I read the blogs of others in this community the word failure never crosses my mind – I think, this women is a hero, or that women has been through so much and is figuring out how to persevere and this other women is an inspiration, and here’s another I can learn from...the list of positive things goes on and on, not to mention it is through the shared experiences of everyone that I have been able to grow and move ahead too…so thank you….again.

5 comments:

Kami said...

I have never thought someone else as a failure either. I have wondered occasionally why this person or that didn't advocate more for herself, but never that she was a failure. Mostly I notice how she is surviving in a difficult situation. It's funny that I often don't give myself the same support/understanding.

m said...

Fantastic post. Thank you.

Foreverhopeful said...

Thank you so much for this. I agree with Kami, I never once thought or saw anyone else with infertility as a failure. I always admired their strength and courage to persevere under difficult circumstances. But I don't know why I can't do that with myself. I see myself as a failure all the time and what I struggle with.

Summer said...

I'm with the others who can see the strength and courage in others as they struggle through infertility. Thank you for pointing out that maybe I'm not that different from others.

Summer said...

I just tagged you. See my blog for details.