Friday, February 29, 2008

The lesson learned…again

This week I am learning, or relearning yet again, that just because we want something or do all the “right” things does not mean something will automatically go as imagined. In this case I’d imagined our little one would come on or around the due date and that I would not be looking at a possible induction next week. Yes I know, I have time…but it’s the lesson I am grateful for…again. There is only an illusion of control that we have over our lives. The only thing we can control (hopefully) is our reaction to the things that come our way. My husband said to me we’ve waited almost seven years to have a baby so why should I think it would be easy or fast now? Good point. And again I am humbled by the largeness of life that we are swept up in and again I am reminded that I have a choice: I can make peace with how things are going, stay as positive as possible or I can rage and feel helpless or angry or sad (all good things to feel, get out of my system and let go of). Today I am choosing to make peace with whatever happens over the next few days…or should I say the rest of my life?!

That doesn’t mean I’m going to stop the acupuncture, reflexology, meditation, relaxed breathing, cranial sacral, sex, primrose oil etc. to try and get into labor, but I am also embracing, or trying to embrace the knowledge that ultimately I have no control and must take things as they come. It’s the lesson I learned with our infertility in general. How many times I’ll need to learn this lesson I don’t know, but it’s a good one to have a refresher course in I will say that much.

How do you deal with the your loss of control feelings? Any suggestions let me know.


Joy said...

I agree with everyone you're saying/doing. You have an admirable balance between Going There... the anger hurt disappointment whatever... and knowing how to get back. Nicely done.

Kami said...

I am the poster child in not dealing well with those loss of control feelings. If I were in your shoes I would probably be doing all the things you are doing - to help me feel that I DO have control, even if it is imaginary.

I would also be researching to find studies that support letting a baby come when it's ready and not by a somewhat arbitrary deadline. I recall one study done in rural China were the AVERAGE delivery was 42 weeks.

Then I would be talking to my OB and asking questions such as, "What if we wait one more day?" or "What if the induction doesn't work - how long can we try before moving to a c-section?" I know you want to be safe, but some OB's are more relaxed about these things than others.

On an encouraging note (I hope), I knew someone who was given the gel to soften her cervix and it started labor right up. She delivered without any additional drugs about 8 hours later.

Foreverhopeful said...

I've been the same way throughout my whole infertility and I still have trouble just letting go and realizing I have no control.I know I need to learn to let go and realize that whatever I do and all my efforts doesn't mean its going to turn out a certain way.

Summer said...

How do I deal with the loss of control feelings?

Very badly.

So, I'm afraid you'll get no advice from me. However, I will be hoping that you won't have much longer to wait.

peep said...

Well, I'm hoping something wonderful happened or is happening now for you. But if not, from what I hear having a baby is the ultimate in giving up control. I really think we humans are so full of ourselves sometimes for thinking we have control over so many things when really it's the opposite. I don't have any good advice for you especially since I am horrible at it too. But, I think it is a life lesson. Some day you will probably look back and laugh at yourself (in a good way). Good luck!