Sunday, February 3, 2008

Never Say Never

I’ve been doing a lot of blog reading this weekend and one thing I am reminded of is how I first reacted when told by our fertility doctor that DE was the best chance we had of being pregnant. NOT ME, NEVER, NO $#%@! WAY. Meaning, I could not imagine that we would not be able, through persistence to have a biological child, that some of my eggs must be good. Never say never. Today I read this piece about ending infertility treatment -- many thanks to Gabrielle over at fertility notes pointing it out. The thing that stuck with me is the final sentence which I wanted to share:

"Those whose greatest loss with infertility is the loss of the opportunity to parent are the ones who have the easiest time looking at options beyond treatment -- options which involve some kind of adoption: traditional adoption, surrogacy, donor gametes."

In the end, that’s what it came down to for us: we wanted to be parents and I wanted, if possible, to experience pregnancy – that a child shared my genetics, or looked like me didn’t/doesn’t matter. And it wasn't easy -- I'm not sure that there are many choices we make in the IF world that are easy. Although I can honestly say today that I would not change anything. It is not about creating someone who is a combination of our looks, rather the combination of us will be in who that child becomes

6 comments:

m said...

"it is not about creating someone who is a combination or our looks, rather the combination of us will be in who that child becomes."

A beautiful quote. Nicely written, Stacyb.

Tracy said...

Amen. Very well written.

peep said...

Well put and I agree!

Kami said...

Well said! I liked the quote M mentions too. It is what I remind myself. I really, really feel that the number one thing that influences personality is genes. Yet, even if we have our genetic child who knows which genes will be expressed - maybe even those of my crazy uncle and THAT would be bad.

This quote also resonated with me:

"The hardest part about realizing that you will never have a biological child is giving up the dream that your child will look like you, share your intelligence and family traits. The second hardest thing was the feeling of failure."

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I like reading how people adjusted to DE and your post is so positive.

The Dairy Wife said...

The hardest part about realizing that you will never have a biological child is giving up the dream that your child will look like you, share your intelligence and family traits. The second hardest thing was the feeling of failure."

I truly am sorry for what you're going through. I guess I have a different take on it... it doesn't matter if your child looks like you or has your traits. Yes, failure is hard ... but success is when you birth that child, no matter how you got it.

I had triplets at almost 48 years old from DE/IVF, just 8 weeks after becoming a Grandmother. There is no failure here ... only success because I carried them, I birthed them and when people tell me that my daughter looks like me, I smile ... for it's my secret.

Good Luck to you.

Tanya

foreverhopeful said...

Thank you so much for this. I loved the article and the quotes.... There was so much I could relate to. The failure for me has been the hardest part for us. And its still hard when you hear people have success so easily and to accept that I couldn't succeed no matter what I did is what I still struggle with.