Monday, July 9, 2007

getting to here from there

i've been reading a bit on other DE blogs about the process of accepting (or not accepting) the path of DE. a little pregnant has a really good discussion going on about this and if you haven't read it you might want too. there are MANY points of view.

for the record i wanted to explain our thinking a little bit more and why we were able to accept DE. of course when Dr.XY first mentioned it when we had failed ivf/pgd #3 we were OUTRAGED....but by #7 things had changed a lot: we'd gone from having odds have success (granted lower than 1%) to having the idea of random luck to get us through a healthy pregnancy. all of a sudden DE seemed like a gift not a curse.

some reasons i was also able to wrap my brain around the idea of DE and accept it into my heart and psyche.

1. my father died when before i was one and i was raised by my adopted father. when i think about who i am today -- mannerisms, values, how i conduct myself in this world and around others, not to mention many of my interests -- lots of these traits come from his example. i am who i am today because of how he and my mom raised me. how i look is the superficial coating. not to mention that i have "inherited" several of his facial expressions.

2. when my husband and i decided to have children it wasn't to have clones of ourselves (though of course that initial fantasy of blending our looks/talents was there), it was to raise people who would make a positive difference in this world.

3. we believe that a soul comes to you no matter how you have your child (adoption, DE, the "normal" way etc.)

4. of course i had my moments thinking wow, this child will never physically look like me but as i said above that is really not the reason we want children. i mourned the genetic loss as we discussed the idea of doing this, but that loss quickly became a gain when we realized how much we've learned through this process.

if anyone would like to share why they chose/welcomed DE as the right decision for them, please do.

Tomorrow is our 7 week scan...the balance of terror and hope continues.


Drowned Girl said...

I hope everything is just FANTASTIC at your scan tomorrow.

For me, I just had one miscarriage too many, and I realised that I could change tack, I didn't have to keep falling down the same hole.

As a close friend offered me her eggs, I can see the DE thing as a positive strength, a way to add a chidl to our family and build a link to her family too.

Reproductive Jeans said...

Beautiful post....