So my husband and I have now told just about all the people in our lives that are close to us about DE and the struggles we’ve been through regarding infertility. Mostly in superficial detail with more explanation when it’s asked for. A couple of interesting things
1.one friend revealed that she too had two miscarriages
2.only one friend asked us questions about the donor
Regarding #2: I’m not sure why more of our friends haven’t asked more detailed questions but I can say that I was grateful to go into detail with the friend who did ask. It felt amazingly good to talk frankly about coming to terms with DE, choosing the donor, the first waves of genetic loss followed by the embracing of the idea that a baby is much more than genes. the best things my husband and I can pass on to the future little one is o the knowledge we have learned and continue to learn by living our lives.
I’d be curious, if anyone wants to share, how your friends reacted when you told them about doing DE or DI. Did they ask lots of questions? Tell you that they were happy for you and leave it that? Something else?
Oh – glucose test came back negative. No gestational diabetes!
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Friday, October 12, 2007
And on the spreading the news front:
I’ve now told my two closest friends. they had interesting reactions.
Friend one said: I sensed there was something you weren’t saying but I was scared to ask because I thought it would be something bad because of your previous history. She was so relieved and happy for us. It was nice to hear.
Friend two said: That’s amazing. I didn’t know about that and it gives me hope (she’s single in her late 30’s and wants children) and it seems like a nice option besides adoption.
We decided to tell people now because I just had my 20 week scan and everything is GREAT!!!! I really felt like I was being dishonest before. After all, as I’ve said before we are proud of our SUPER HIGH TECH WUNDER CHILD and grateful that we had this option. The main reason we weren’t saying anything or the two main ones were:
1. fear that the pregnancy would not be viable
2. we’d gotten used to not talking about anything related to fertility – it’s just been so painful.
So now we’re just spreading the news of how we conceived. It feels, for me, like a BIG HUGE BURDEN has been lifted. What a relief.
Oh and the best for the last: I started feeling the little one kick and move last week. I was lying in bed reading and felt these two little movements. I almost cried. I never thought I’d feel that, or get to this point. They are very soft pushes on the inside of my lower belly. Like if someone was to gently poke you in the abdomen with their finger. Now I’m feeling them everyday. Maybe now, at 21 weeks i'm finally starting to relax, just a tiny bit and accept that things just may continue to be ok and normal as far as pregnancy goes. It's a strange feeling, not used to it at all.
Friend one said: I sensed there was something you weren’t saying but I was scared to ask because I thought it would be something bad because of your previous history. She was so relieved and happy for us. It was nice to hear.
Friend two said: That’s amazing. I didn’t know about that and it gives me hope (she’s single in her late 30’s and wants children) and it seems like a nice option besides adoption.
We decided to tell people now because I just had my 20 week scan and everything is GREAT!!!! I really felt like I was being dishonest before. After all, as I’ve said before we are proud of our SUPER HIGH TECH WUNDER CHILD and grateful that we had this option. The main reason we weren’t saying anything or the two main ones were:
1. fear that the pregnancy would not be viable
2. we’d gotten used to not talking about anything related to fertility – it’s just been so painful.
So now we’re just spreading the news of how we conceived. It feels, for me, like a BIG HUGE BURDEN has been lifted. What a relief.
Oh and the best for the last: I started feeling the little one kick and move last week. I was lying in bed reading and felt these two little movements. I almost cried. I never thought I’d feel that, or get to this point. They are very soft pushes on the inside of my lower belly. Like if someone was to gently poke you in the abdomen with their finger. Now I’m feeling them everyday. Maybe now, at 21 weeks i'm finally starting to relax, just a tiny bit and accept that things just may continue to be ok and normal as far as pregnancy goes. It's a strange feeling, not used to it at all.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Fear vs. Stomach
my stomach finally trumped my fear. i bought maternity clothes yesterday (just finishing up week 14). i hope this is not jinxing things but i've been walking around with my pants unbuttoned and long shirts for a while now. my mantra is "this time things are different" and then i take a few deep breaths when the anxiety creeps up.
next week we are going to talk to a family therapist with my parents regarding disclosure -- i'm looking forward to this and hopefully it will give us some broader understanding of ourselves and of this topic. i've also ordered a few books on DE and books for DE children based on a long bibliography from our IVF clinic..once i get them if any seem really good to me i'll post the titles.
what else...we started telling our friends our news...just the pregnancy part. most of them didn't even know about the IVF or our losses -- it was something we chose not to share. anyway, that has been interesting. i feel very hesitant, it's partly the fear and partly just, well it feels strange to have this type of good news and i'm not sure how to wear it...so to speak.
many of my close friends are single women all of whom would like to have children and find a life partner so im very sensitive about how to tell them -- plus i've been on the receiving side of pregnancy news and felt a mixture of happiness and devastation (because of our fertility issues) so often and for so long that i just don't want our news to be the focus of most conversations.
it goes without saying that the already extended offer for a baby shower was kindly denied because well, frankly, i am too scared to celebrate until our baby is born. wow i can't believe i just wrote that...until our baby is born...how great is that?!
next week we are going to talk to a family therapist with my parents regarding disclosure -- i'm looking forward to this and hopefully it will give us some broader understanding of ourselves and of this topic. i've also ordered a few books on DE and books for DE children based on a long bibliography from our IVF clinic..once i get them if any seem really good to me i'll post the titles.
what else...we started telling our friends our news...just the pregnancy part. most of them didn't even know about the IVF or our losses -- it was something we chose not to share. anyway, that has been interesting. i feel very hesitant, it's partly the fear and partly just, well it feels strange to have this type of good news and i'm not sure how to wear it...so to speak.
many of my close friends are single women all of whom would like to have children and find a life partner so im very sensitive about how to tell them -- plus i've been on the receiving side of pregnancy news and felt a mixture of happiness and devastation (because of our fertility issues) so often and for so long that i just don't want our news to be the focus of most conversations.
it goes without saying that the already extended offer for a baby shower was kindly denied because well, frankly, i am too scared to celebrate until our baby is born. wow i can't believe i just wrote that...until our baby is born...how great is that?!
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