Friday, June 20, 2008

How Many People Did You Take a Shower With?

Asked a very wise man once…in other words when you take a shower are you in the shower or is your mind going through lists, or possible conversations etc…this morning I showered with my fifth grade teacher, of all people, and revisited several past events but did redid them so they came out the way I wanted. And then I thought about the wise man again and this blog and well, now this post.

Just reminding myself as anxiety was starting to get the better of me to take the time to remember to breathe and most of all to take the time to be where I am instead of somewhere else in my head. Not so easy.

Anyone have any tips for trying to stay in the moment instead of rushing on to all the things that might happen? I’d appreciate any suggestions.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Four Days Ago

It was Father’s day…I never thought we’d celebrate. It gave me pause to think about how much all the IVF/Fertility stuff has changed him…after all it hasn’t just been me going through it all. As far as I can tell it was even harder for him to talk about than me…not because he can’t talk about his feeling (he’s good at that) but finding another male friend he felt he could speak with wasn’t so easy. In the end he had one person he could really talk to and im grateful that he had that outlet. He has been such a support to me, I don’t think I’ve mentioned it much here but since it was just father’s day I’d like to say how thankful I am to have him by my side. If not for him I could not have gotten through all the crap…he helped me see light when all I could see was blackness and his smile always makes my day.

Just wanted to recognize my partner in life and say I love him.

Friday, June 6, 2008

12 weeks

Wow, 12 weeks old yesterday. Our beautiful little one has really woken to the world now. It is amazing. Truly. She is a gift. I don’t forget that ever. I know I’d die for her. How strange, but how true. I got a call from our clinic yesterday because they wanted information for some sort of DE study. What’s the study? Why? Where is the information going? All questions I asked, I thought, were reasonable AND none of which the poor girl on the other end of the phone could answer except to say, you have to do this. Ha! Again I asked all the questions and said you understand you want me to give you personal information and you can’t tell me what it’s for, right? Yes she finally conceded. I’ll have to get back to you. Personally I hope I scared her away.

While we told our very close friends and family about DE because it seemed important that it not be a secret thing, and we will tell our little one, it also seems just as important now to protect her privacy and let her decide who she wants to share information with when she is older. The sharing of information before she was born is part of our story, now it’s hers to tell. At one point I thought I wanted to become some sort of poster DE mom but, at least in this moment, I’d like her to choose.

Anyway not much else to say. I love her fiercely, cannot imagine life without her, and there is no loss with DE, just bountiful overflowing gains.