Saturday, September 22, 2007

Gone hiking

Really. We’re off for a week to hike. I can’t wait. This is the first vacation since October 2005 that is not a pre or post IVF, let’s rest or let’s recuperate trip/weekend. And it’s also a needle free one! Clearly my idea of vacation has changed a lot over the past few years.

I still have another book to check out and when I’m back in, gasp, October (ok, ok, it’s only a week but when we’re back it will be a new month) I’ll post which one or ones struck a cord when we get back. no computer in hiking land...

One more thing…ever since we had the talk about telling I feel like a giant HUGE burden has been lifted from my shoulders. No I have not said anything yet but that’s because it’s something I’d like to do in person to the people I’d like to share the info with. Of course if there’s one thing I’ve learned lately it's that there's never a perfect time. So perhaps the phone will do…but in the meantime it’s time to go hiking!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

It starts with a whisper

So my husband told a friend of his (also going through infertility with his wife) that our pregnancy is through the amazing technological wonders of donor egg. And wouldn’t you know, he was like “that’s great”. And so it begins, the telling of a few close friends…what a relief to have it out there. For us this feels right. And of course they may tell people too…but that’s ok. By the time the baby is born (knock on wood because I still get waves of fear), none of this will be an issue.

M , who is trying to choose a donor has an interesting discussion on her blog about genetics: do they matter? check it out.
I left a long post there which i wont repeat here but i will say this:
My husband and I want to have a child/children to raise people who will make a positive difference in this world. In the nature vs. nurture debate I think that may fall with nurture. So yeah, genetics matter on some levels but perhaps not with this.

On the donor egg book front – I’ve been reading a few and the next post will cover which ever one or ones I think might be work someone else taking a look at. One of them seems particularly helpful but I want to wait till I finish it to post more.

Monday will be week 17 for us. Last week we heard the choo choo train sound of the little ones hearbeat.

Friday, September 7, 2007

The Cat’s Out Of the Bag

So we had a great family therapy session with my family regarding “telling”. As I mentioned before it was my immediate family’s first response of “why tell anyone including the child?” that prompted us to go in the first place. And I’m so glad we did. It really cleared the air. Sometimes you really do need a third person involved so that what is being said really gets heard. I must say my parents made a HUGE leap by the end of the hour in their understanding of why it is not only important for the child to know it’s AMAZING FANTASTIC HI TECH DESIGNER BABY origins, but for the people closest to us to know too. Can you imagine the scenario of the future little one saying to Uncle xy “did you know three people made me, I’ve got a special piece?” And Uncle XY not ever hearing the word donor before saying something like “what, no! you’ve got it all wrong” or something like that….anyway you get the idea.

As for the mister and his hesitation at telling others – once he understood how uncomfortable I was feeling when people close to me were asking certain questions that I felt I was responding to in a lie (maybe it would have helped if i'd told him about these things), and once we both realized that you don’t even want to have a whiff of shame associated with what we are doing, it became clear that telling a circle of other people was/is as important as telling the future little one.

And what about the world knowing? Well if the world ends up knowing that is fine too. But it’s not our mission to tell every stranger on the street, or person we are not in close contact with. Rather it is our mission to have this be open information that is familiar and comfortable and essentially just a part of our story so that when the future little one does encounter someone who says something negative the little one has the confidence and knowledge to either respond or not care.

We are proud of the technology that has enabled us to become pregnant. All the things we went through to get here as individuals and as a couple have made us stronger and made our capacity for love even greater.

Is your family supportive of the decisions you make/have made regarding donors and telling?