When you Fall of the Horse, Get Back On

Well we are mid cycle again…with a new donor. I know I’ve been absent for a while. It was a little tough to say the least. But my husband and I decided to try one last time. And this is why I thought it’d be worth another post: not to to say we are trying again but how we chose because, at least from my experience, choosing a donor is hardly easy. And for us on this journey we originally started in our minds wanting the donor to be as like me as possible and now we went for the donor who would maybe be most like our daughter. To be clear: I am small boned, straight hair, hazel eyes, fair skin. The new donor is: small boned, wavy hair, dark brown eyes and olive skin. Did I care if she was arty as I had last time? Nope. In fact she actually made an x in the no box on the part that said any artistic ability. Did I care if she was musical as I did last time? Nope. In fact she seems, at least on paper to be more inclined to math and science proclivities as foreign to me as another language. What she does have is two children and two previous successful cycles (last one with twins) and at this point that’s what makes a good donor for us. A proven one. How did we find this donor who actually looks like our daughter especially when she herself was a baby? I turned off the selection that said white. Yup, and there she was, our donor. Amazing. And she is white but with olive toned skin (like my husband). Imagine that. So yeah, I have now let go of any illusion that the donor looks like me and finally I really don’t care. If nothing else this journey has shown me that the love I have is not bound by genetics so it certainly wont be bound by looks.

As for my daughter whomever we picked would have the same dad so they will have similarities and in this case we did choose someone whose children had similar features to her own as well.

Keep you fingers and toes crossed for us again if anyone is still reading. HCG shot for the donor should be middle of next week.

Imagine our shock

when we sat down with dr. fabulous to go over how many of our 18 fertilized embryos we’d put back/freeze and he told us that in fact we had a grand total of two that had made it past the five day mark and those two we’d put back because neither was yet a blast. so the chances that both would make it/stick were very small.

Aint life amazing. One minute we are hypothetically speaking to our obgyn about if I could even physically carry twins the next we are so grateful that we even have two embryos that we can put back at all.

All I can say is that Summer put is so well (thank you Summer) when she said in her comment to my previous post “even though medicine can try to create more and they can retrieve more than one mature egg per stimulation. The whole point of retrieving multiple mature eggs per stimulation is to try to find that good one.”

And of course there is this to say once again: We have no control over events, science certainly gives us that illusion, but it isn’t totally science. There is something else involved in all of this otherwise 1+1 would always equal 2 but that just isn’t the case in the fertility spinning wheel.

So keep sending your thoughts and comments. I have nine more days to go.

My husband and I are, I think, at peace with the idea that whatever the outcome is; it’s what’s meant to be for us and for our family. That said of course I vacillate between hopeful and totally negative until I’m able to remind myself to remain in the present moment which is a nice one to be in.